Choices and Options

Exactly 365.25 days ago, I made a choice. It was not my only option. Strictly choice. To quit being an outcast and join the league.

A choice that doesn't lead to outstanding achievement awards. Neither any special peer/advisor recommendations or recognitions. I quit the path that could have possibly lead to the building of a very disruptively different yet fruitful future. It felt like shedding the last bit of parity that could have qualified me as a higher mortal in the eyes of few and hearts of many. Personally within, a huge majority of thoughts didn't only support but still continue to laud and bolster my choice till date. A decision in all honestly I will never regret.

M.A., F.F. and D.M.: really sorry for calling it quits. I was simply not 'that' type. Hope someday you will accumulate enough evidence to sport the same notion.
R.V., S.R: It could have been a great experience to be listed with you as 'partners in the crime', worldwide at least. It would have definitely meant much value to me than you guys. Trust me though, this wasn't meant to be. Few days in, it could most definitely have been a great disappointment for you guys. My body might have been around you guys, but my mind/soul would never have been. Mind could have raised an exception or two. The soul, never. It was nothing against WS. It was about me and I never wanted to be there as a matter of choice. As a matter of fact, it was my only option. To escape. To cut some ropes and keep myself tied to some others.

Looking back, it has been a year of very many highs. Not only I kept myself tied to the intended ropes, I looped into few other interesting ones. Interesting people, places and things - which by no means could have been a part of my life at WS. I am happy to report some changes in myself. Not thrilled because I know that is not my true limit. But the rubberbands, at times, are just happy while they are un-stretched. While I continue to respect and admire what you do and what I could have probably been a part of, I choose maintain my identity as a mango-man. A commoner who lives a rather dull life without much risks, meaning or "story". Glamor has now taken its worldly meaning in my life and is no longer associated with an internal bliss.

But do not try to paint a negative thought here. For I am very happy to have quit my option and make a choice. I has helped me accomplish rather mundane but satisfying achievements that I have been mocking to be something sub-standard for a large part of my conscious life. Trust me dear reader, there is nothing like a sense of achievement, after a decade. And for that matter, no achievement is a small one. It is always a big feat, at least for the one who made it - for the time being. Off course one could either choose to live in denial and hunt for larger sharks. But feeling good within WILL prepare you better for the next journey.

I noticed a big win today that I didn't openly celebrate. S made a huge leap that I would never have expected. Deep within, I feel a big win for myself. 6-10 in one day. Man, that was amazing. Sure gave me a very pleasant surprise. So much, even goosebumps. I cannot express the force and encouragement that the words generated to keep chipping through. My only wish is that this whole process should have happened way sooner. But being practical, it doesn't even matter. Way to go, S.

So yes, winning is important. Whoever said winning isn't important must've been quite a loser. But being a loser or a winner is not as important as identifying the battles you will choose to fight. Life doesn't offer the luxury of choosing all your battles. For the ones you can, please-pretty-please, follow your calling. With a few honorable exceptions, all the people I study, are desperate to succeed AND clueless what it means. Money-Power-Attention is the ultimately expected destination. But the quantification of these destinations is never carried out. Remember, it is not important whether you score a goal or not. What is really important is if football is what you really want to play? Sometimes, its parents, peers or poverty. Other times, sheer neglect and over confidence. And the guy who could have been a great golfer, ends up in the field. And from hereon, focuses on scoring goals. I always used to think it's not really important to score goals for this guy. Coz he was totally into the game for the wrong reasons. Pressure from peers and parents can never be a substitute to passion and potential. In my books, the physics never matched up. So why linger in the field and worry about scoring the next goal, failing at it and making/not-making a big fuss about it? Confused, eh? So was I at many points in my previous lives.

And then I chose. Chose to add my $0.02 in the field now that I am into the game -no matter why, for the time being. So even if I want to quit the stadium and join a club, I must do so gracefully. With honor, pride and a strong belief that if I scored that goal without passion, with passion I can with the world- given a chance to be in the Golf Club. Now I believe golf might just never happen. But heck what, at least I will make a good footballer out of myself. At least better than keeping off the lawns. So first off, make a good choice. And once you figure out you made a wrong one, instead of hitting that keyboard with a Ctrl+Z, hit ENTER. For now that you're in it: go ahead, win it.

I am not always proud of all the choices I made. But the few that turned out to be good, for myself or others, make me a happy man. Especially for others. The ones I like and love. Not strictly unconditionally, but with the least requirements though. ;)